Photography: Belita Marfo (@biggiesnaps)
What I wore:
Jumpsuit – Stradivarius
Denim jacket – Topshop sample sale
Trainers – Fila
Bag – Nasty Gal
Earring – H&M
Sunglasses – ASOS
Today we’re discussing insecurities, comparison and what it means to be beautiful. Yup, deep stuff. So once upon a time I didn’t believe I was a peng ting. Everyone and their dad wanted to compare my sister and I, from friends to family members who always favoured her over me – she’s absolutely stunning btw, check her out on IG @antoinetteale_ + her hair platform @haircrushuk… I’d get comments from “friends” like “oh is that your sister, raah what happened to you” or “are you definitely blood sisters/related, are you sure?”. I was also always the friend who guys approached so they could get to my friend lol and on top of this tragic life story, I had quite bad acne, which again everyone used to point out to me as if I didn’t own a mirror. I used to pray hard for God to give me clear skin. Like listen, when I tellllll you these were full on tear-filled prayers; I was crying out to God like it was the end of the world, wow what a time. When I look back it seems silly but I honestly felt like utter crap and my self esteem was non-existent. I wouldn’t even dare go to the corner shop without makeup. It hurts to reflect and realise all this but it’s also amazing to acknowledge how far I’ve come. I think in a weird, subconscious way that’s how I came to develop an experimental, fun, unique dress sense and cool personality (not to toot my own horn or nothing haa) because I was probably trying to shift the focus away from my face. Funny how life works ay?!
I think it’s crazy how many people have deep insecurities and you’d never guess from looking at them or seeing them on social media. I had a conversation with a friend last week and she was sharing how she felt insecure about her body and all I could think was huh, YOU? I just never imagined that someone who came across so confident and self-aware would have insecurities but I think we all do, it’s mad.
I’m on a lifelong journey of learning to truly love myself inside and out and a lot of different things have helped over the years so I thought I’d share. Obviously being a Christian I try and run to God and His Word for everything life throws at me so that’s been really encouraging. Motivational speakers have also helped, to some extent, and also affirmations on daily/weekly/whenever-you-feel-like-a-dead-ting basis. Also, being really aware of my thoughts and nipping negative thoughts in the bud straight away— it can feel draining at first but it’ll become second nature with consistent practice. Please always remember, beauty fades and there’s much more to life than looks. A famous blogger once described her body as spirit sack and that really stuck with me because that’s exactly what it is and it’s what’s within that truly matters. Say it with me “I am a peng ting inside and out”.
Btw this was a little insight into my mind and the self-therapy sessions that go in my head so yeah welcome.
Stay blessed, c ya.